lets get personal

Oh, Kristina! I hear you on the hug -- there is some real loneliness there. Her circumstances certainly set her up for isolation, and I think a lot of it can be attributed to your (2) -- the "otherness" that always remains with immigrants. But I have to say, I think sometimes Jhumpa Lahiri fixates on the distance we may feel from people and the fixation makes it greater -- it doesn't really HAVE to be that way. I think there are many happinesses in life that she doesn't allow her characters to enjoy. They always feel so far apart from each other -- this particularly saddens me with the relationships between parents and children. Why is there so much hidden? Why is communication so stifled between them?

A lot of this is personal, and slightly unfair; as someone from the exact same group, of bengali immigrants, I always felt extra close to my family - we were connected to each other in a way that was impossible with both our peers in America and our family who stayed in India -- we were doing something entirely unique, together. I think this can lead to real unity and communication within a family, and so I get very sad to see Jhumpa's characters, who are not only distant from their american peers/spouses, but also from their own nuclear family members! So they really are all alone (and make really bizarre decisions as a result! have you read the one about Sang and Farouk? Why in the world would she date that guy?)

To think about the questions -- why didn't Dadu want to stay? tricky... I would think it has something to do with being slightly afraid of the judgments of his daughter --- for some reason he doesn't want to reveal these aspects of his lifestyle to her, he is afraid she won't understand them. or he just doesn't want to have to deal with talking about it with her -- it all comes back to the lack of openness, and thus the inability to have a "live and let live" mentality if they were all in the same home together. There is a sense that he would be giving up a lot of freedom. I think there is a part of her that really wanted him to say yes -- I get the sense that if it was something imposed on her externally, she would really love it --- she's just having a problem being the asker/decision maker.

(and the postcard did feel a bit contrived, but i guess helped illustrate some powerful emotions...)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the Sang and Farouk story next --- so, so much distance there, between everyone involved. Extremely lonely people, doing strange things while orbiting around each other. Why do you think the roommate made the choices he made in his attempt to save Sang from this relationship? Why do you think Sang was willing to put up with such a shady character?

the contented immigrant --
s

"Be happy, love Baba...

he signed them, as if the attainment of happiness were as simple as that."

It did make me lonely, Shilpi. I wanted to find comfort in the fact that Ruma's melancholy could be attributed to her grief, the demands of motherhood, quitting her job, her adjustment to a completely new place, new home, and second pregnancy. But I think its more than that, either 1) she's saying happiness is some complex equation--something one doesn't just come by-- meaning everything has its placement, proper value and alignment, which then equals some total eclipse of happiness. So for example, the attainment of happiness is cultivation? Or happiness is being part of something greater, maybe the wholeness of having a community? Or, (2) I think Ruma (and Dadu, and her mother, and everyone), are struggling with how to manage the monolithic feeling of otherness and alienation that has marked their lives....this is all very dark.

I have no answer to why Ruma makes me want to hug her.

But, I have these questions, what do you think about the postcards and the quote, do you think its a flippant comment, a poke, provocation? And, why doesn't Dadu want to stay? For a moment, I thought Ruma was never going to ask, that she was going to let her emotional paralysis let every real moment pass her by. And, do you think she really wanted him to say yes?

xoxo.

Book One

Unaccustomed Earth, by Jhumpa Lahiri (melancholy Bengali)

short stories, mostly focused on the children of immigrants and their grown up lives, complicated marriages, tea colored children, parental estrangement, and occasional natural disaster. okay, so I've read it already, but in a frenzy, and now I want to take a closer look. XTina -- will you post your thoughts on the first story? did it make you lonely? why Ruma so sad?

more after you've read it....

A Welcoming Toast (tink!)

This blog will document the tipsy readings of Shilpi and Kristina.

Rules of ShilpiTina Reads:

with every post, respond to a question and ask a question
have a glass of wine beside you
think about the good old days
post at least once a week

GOALS:
self actualization, online intimacy, dialogue, warm hearts and cold insights, tapping in to the expanding cosmos, expanding the cosmos with our minds, recording the year that Saturn returns.